letting go

letting go of something is really hard...
in fact, I'm in trouble of that
I'm having trouble of letting go of decisions made 2 bloody years ago
I hope everyday that time could turn back
I hope that I get to stand by myself
but the FACT is time is still running away and I still cant stand by myself
How bad is it when you yourself cannot do what you think you should be doing
Afraid of being laughed
Afraid of how people thinks
Afraid of being the odd one with odd thinking giving stupid ideas
Afraid of wasting time and indeed wasting time now
Afraid of choosing and now hating what people choose for you

It really sucks when your parents ask you to choose when they already choose for you and actually is asking you to choose what they choose for you yourself
I know. The words are a bit complicated and long.
shorten it=
parents choose the way for you and force you to take it
easy enough?
how great are my parents....
told them since I was a bloody holly naive shitty child, teenager, whatever that I dont want to be an accountant
and now WHAT!
I'm future to be ACCOUNTANT~ so, YEAH! *claps claps
haiz.... talking to them is so hard...
just because I dont know how too...
I really suck in communicating....

I am the youngest in the family... u can say that I am being headstrong...
I can tell you, YES I AM
and I am going to blame them when they say I'm wasting my time
if I am counting, they've wasted my time since I got into secondary school....
and I am indeed pissed off of their so many ways of wasting my time...
I cant even sleep when these things come around my head!
I get so angry and furious until I cant go to sleep
I really blame them for making who I am now~
so coward, lack of opinion, timid, lost

there is so many things, so many that i hate until i cant list~
but guess what.... I still love them, as my parents...
I still love them

(i am so off the topic)



actually I wanted to say that I cant let go the fact that I gave up senior 3
and since I gave up on that, I have been wasting my time until NOW and still going on~
people might think I got my direction,
but the truth is I never had one
until now I regreted like HELL to listen to my family
I really really shouldn't have listen to them!
and I know that is the reason that is stopping me from studying and demotivating me
I get really really depressed of that
that is why I quit SAM and the reason why I hate ACCA
I really should have got back to you all when I quited SAM
NOW, this moment right now,
everyone had graduated, everyone is on their direction
and I'm still in the same place since 2007
I've stopped....